| Liverpool's Kuyt out injured Liverpool is awaiting a fitness update on Dirk Kuyt after the Netherlands forward was taken to the hospital with an ankle injury sustained during a European Championship qualifying match against Sweden. cbc.ca |
Call that a Texas hold-up ... Click here to have the Fiver sent to your inbox every weekday at 5pm(ish), or if your usual copy has stopped arrivingCONTEMPTIBLEGah! Just as Liverpool fans thought the Anfield air was going to be cleared, it emerges that Tom Hicks and George Gillett are determined to linger like pungent flatulency. No sooner had they suffered costly defeat in London's high court yesterday than Liverpool's owners obtained a temporary injunction in a Dallas court, delaying and perhaps scuttling the proposed sale to Boston Red Sox big kahuna John W Henry - a sale that the owners describe as "an epic swindle" - and demanding a handy $1.6bn in compensation from Liverpool's three English directors.All of which mighty pong prompted those directors, and the Royal Bank of Scotland, to return to the high court today to seek permission to carry on regardless of the Texan carry-on. Their hearing began at 2pm London time, which, of course, some Texan judge may later declare a puny and invalid time once he clambers out of bed. It is certainly a poxy time for your befuddled Fiver, which runs the risk of being overtaken by events as it goes to press. Again.We did at least catch the start of this afternoon's hearing and gleaned that RBS's proxy, QC Snowden, reckons the Dallas court should butt out. "Proceedings in Texas are inappropriate," bawled Snowden. "It involves an English football club and three English companies. It is intended to frustrate." If that really is the intention, then it looks like Hicks and Gillett have scored a rare victory, though how durable and significant it will be remains to be seen.In the event that that is not enough legal wotsit for you to be contemplating, then know that some Liverpool fans have mooted launching a class action in the USA! USA!! USA!!! against Hicks and Gillett for "stress caused over the last three years". Even more ominously, the Fiver has also been made aware, via its imagination, of plans by the pair to provide further t!t in response to Liverpool fans' tat by rounding up a posse of semi-famous or hitherto-presumed-dead Texan celebrities to star in an emetic video like the one recently unleashed by scouse zealots."I don't know how to tell you this, you're not very popular," Stone Cold Steve Austin may growl. "It's like you're r@ping all of the Ewings, at once, over a long period of time," Larry Hagman may rage. "I don't know who you are but you're a real dead ringer for guff," Meat Loaf may conclude.QUOTE OF THE DAY"Blindly demanding the owners pump in money to secure established players is equivalent to a wife saying 'if you don't do this and that on credit, then I will leave you'. I think none of our fans would do that but will try to satisfy the wife in a different way or call it quits" – Birmingham City vice-chairman Peter Pannu offers an interesting perspective on Blues supporters.POLICE! TWEET! ACTION!Call 1,069: Bag of sand obstructing traffic in Oldham. Call 1,064: Youths causing annoyance in Hyde. Caller suspects they're using cannabis. Call 1,051: Drunken man urinating in public car park in Oldham. Arrested. Call 1,030: Shoplifter arrested in Ashton-under-Lyne. Call 1,028: Harassment warning issued in Oldham. Call 1,023: Man behaving suspiciously in shop in Marple. Call 547: Motorist drives off without paying for petrol from station in Bury.All day long, Greater Manchester police's tweeting of the gist of each 999 call they've logged today has been the only show in town. Well, it was until about 1pm, when it started to get a bit boring. But if the purpose of the exercise was to demonstrate that life in the Old Bill isn't all car chases, shoot-outs and beating suspects to death in a holding cell, then Manchester's finest can certainly pat themselves on the back in praise of a job well done.Of the hundreds of mundane matters they've had to deal with thus far, one in particular caught the Fiver's eye: Call 1,063: Concern for a young person's welfare on Moss Side – no doubt prompted by Tabloid Wayne Rooney's nonchalant-bordering-on-suicidal revelation that "I've had no problems with my ankle this season". And a direct contradiction of his manager Lord Ferg's recent revelation that the player has been carrying "a niggling" knack.Rooney's claim that there's nothing wrong with him could greatly increase the Greater Manchester Police's overtime bill, when officers are dispatched to deal with Calls 3,054-5,227: Purple-faced senior citizen ranting, raving and kicking tar out of disobedient potato-headed England striker in Carrington. But that's one for the future, while we're more interested in the past. If anyone can tell us how Call 543 panned out, we'd love to hear from you - our money's on that hoy being Jussi Jaaskelainen's aftershave or Mrs Kevin Davies' batch of freshly baked scones.£66 HAT-TRICK OF FREE BETS WITH BLUE SQUAREClick here to find out more.FIVER LETTERS"I almost fell off my ergonomically designed office chair on reading Messrs Hicks and Gillett's statement that they were being denied their 'share in the substantial appreciation in the value of Liverpool FC that their investments have created'. Would this be the extra value of appearing in Big Vase vis-a-vis the much less profitable Big Cup? Or the increase in player valuations from such purchases as Robbie Keane?" - Alan Butterfield."Bored now. Can we just dock the nine points, start issuing black armbands and all enjoy the minute's silence?" - Duncan James."Re: yesterday's Fiver photo. Were RBS so confident of winning in the high court against Hicks and Gillett that they felt able to taunt their adversaries by employing celebrity lookalikes of Armando Iannucci and Sir Ian McKellen to represent them?" - Peter Hegarty."Re: Wigan signpostgate (yesterday's bits and bobs). If Wigan Athletic ever won the Premier League or FA Cup, would their supporters complain if the council celebrated their achievements? I think not. Surely it's a bit like banning a Chelsea victory parade through west London because Fulham might get upset?" - John Challen.Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver now.BITS AND BOBSDespite not being able to tie his own shoelaces, watch films with swearing or stay up past 8pm, Chelsea have signed 11-year-old Northampton Town striker Michael Gyasi for an undisclosed fee.Arsenal's Aaron Ramsey hopes to return to first-team action in November. "I feel good," said the 19-year-old midfielder. "I knew that I would, now," he didn't add.Yossi Benayoun will be out for six months with achilles-twang that was overlooked by Chelsea physios. "This entire situation is very strange," said the bemused midfielder as The Twilight Zone music ner-ner-ner-nerred in the background.West Ham's Thomas Hitzlsperger is out for four months with thigh-knack.Sven's Leicester City revolution has begun with the loan signing of Tottenham full-back Kyle Naughton.And the first rule of Twitter fakery - aim low. The 'Barnsley boss Mark Robins' who waded into the Darren Gough v Robbie Savage tweeting row, is not actually Barnsley boss Mark Robins. "Barnsley Football Club would like to make it absolutely clear that Mark Robins does not have a Twitter account and has not made the comments attributed to him," said the Tykes. "Barnsley Football Club and Mark Robins are currently taking legal advice regarding this issue."STILL WANT MORE?Still think Italia 90 was a duffer of a World Cup? Think again, says Rob Smyth.Does everyone still hate MK Dons, asks Barney Ronay. Yes, says everyone.Higuita scores a screamer and one of the great hat-tricks of all time feature in this week's Classic YouTube.STILL WANT MORE? LIVERPOOL SPECIALDownload Football Weekly Extraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa now.Marina Hyde reckons Stanley Park will bring little benefit to local community in Liverpool.Liverpool's courtroom drama isn't helping Roy Hodgson, reckons Andy Hunter.You want answers? You want the truth? Owen Gibson explains why Tom Hicks and George Gillett can't handle the truth.SIGN UP TO THE FIVERWant your very own copy of our free tea-timely(ish) email sent direct to your inbox? Has your regular copy stopped arriving? Click here to sign up.WORST. ADVERT. EVERPaul DoyleBarry Glendenningguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |
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