TOP 100 SOCCER SITES
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| Are most of our footballers really knobs? The Newcastle midfielder's knob-coloured spectacles enhanced his view on the Today programmeThis week Tony Adams guest-edited Radio Four's breakfast news show, the Today programme, perhaps the most surprising piece of left-field casting since Adams briefly guest-managed Portsmouth and, before that, briefly guest-relegated Wycombe Wanderers. He did quite a good job of it. Or at least that was the immediate impression, ahead of any possible whispers later this year about the Today programme lurching into administration, the Today programme being linked to a panic-stricken buyout by a secretive Middle East consortium, or the Today programme attempting to buy Younes Kaboul, while also selling Younes Kaboul, and simultaneously loaning Younes Kaboul back to itself.The most interesting thing on the programme was an interview with Joey Barton, in which he said: "Most footballers are knobs." This kind of statement often passes without comment, but coming from an actual footballer it seems more resonant. You can even imagine Barton saying it, perhaps while wearing a pastel-coloured roll-neck sweater and sitting in a circle with a group of nodding, frowning men who keep urging him to "just be Joey" and saying things like "inside this room we're all naked".But is it true? Probably not, given that as a generalisation it makes as much sense as announcing that most junior curates are knobs, or most assistant sales managers in a regional chain of ceramic hob installers are knobs, or most of those strangely wizened, disappointed-looking young men who appear on your doorstep trying to sell you dishcloths and garden gloves from a plastic box. The likelihood is that this is an example of knob-solipsism. Most footballers look like knobs to Barton because he has, for some time, been viewing the world through knob-coloured spectacles, seeing only a landscape coloured in broad, bold strokes of knob, waking up to find his eyes encrusted with small, gritty crystals of knob, stumbling out into a world fretted and woven with knob, through which he knob-waddles in knob-stitched shoes, drawing his knob-muffler close to his chest against a chill wind that tastes, inexplicably, of knob.Having said that, Barton is an articulate speaker and did justify his comments about footballers by saying: "They are so detached from real life it's untrue." This hints at something I've suspected for some time: that footballers do feel detached and alienated, which has in turn made them suspect that they may, in fact, be knobs. This sense of detachment perhaps explains the recent trend for players to celebrate scoring by running behind the goal and instigating a head-fondling embrace with members of the crowd, while stewards in yellow coats don't just run, but sprint across to break it up, as though what they're witnessing isn't simply men hugging, but a kitten being Stanley-knifed, or the Queen being jostled by a group of youths. I've often wondered if anything is said, or urgently muttered, during these cuddles, which last up to 15 seconds. Maybe just things like "I'm not a knob".I also suspect Barton of making a wider point. This is a man who has for some time been vilified as a kind of Premier League Satan. And just as the devil is a convenient repository for all evil, a species-wide scapegoat, so Barton has been handy shorthand for football knobbery in all its forms.By saying most footballers are knobs he is refuting this using the voice of atheistic enlightenment, which says there is no absolute evil, that knobbery is in all of us; the devil, and "Joey Barton", are no more than devices to excuse sustained analysis. Then again, maybe that's a discussion best left for the next time Nigel Winterburn guest-edits In Our Time.Joey BartonRadio 4Barney Ronayguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |
The Fiver: What might happen at Birmingham City | Barry Glendenning Subscribe here for your own daily copy delivered to your inboxICE COLD AND ALEXA two-inch blanket of snow in the greater London area affects different Big Paper staff in different ways. Some arrive at the office dressed in the kind of kit Sir Ernest Shackleton would have considered excessive, while others feel compelled to provide the worthless public service of Tweeting the excruciatingly dull minutiae of their trip from bed to desk for the benefit of those anxious to learn that an unspecified section of pavement outside an unspecified property on an unspecified street in East Dulwich is "quite slippery". An edgy maverick who doesn't play by the rules, the Fiver prefers to speculate on what might happen at Birmingham City. Currently enjoying their time in the spotlight before defeat against Manchester United on Saturday triggers a horror-slump that ends with them scraping past Bolton on the final day of the season to guarantee Premier League survival, Alex McLeish's side have become so confident in the wake of their recent 12-match unbeaten run they're now talking up their chances of beating The Weather. "We are extremely eager for to see the game [against United] go ahead," declared a City spokesman. "The playing surface is fine. Of course we have to be mindful of the weather conditions and temperatures and we are liaising with the local authorities to assess these matters," he continued, as a egg-headed man in a white coat handed him a big grey map of something indistinguishable covered in incomprehensible black and white swirls.Meanwhile in his St Andrews office, Alex McLeish was not only refusing to confirm or deny that he'd lodged a bid for Sunderland striker Kenwyne Jones, but also refusing to confirm or deny that he was actually Alex McLeish or that the room he was talking from was an office. "I don't want to confirm or deny a bid has gone in [for Kenwyne Jones]," he said. "There is a lot of transfer speculation now and it is not something I like to talk about when nothing has been done." McLeish was also reluctant to talk about his alleged interest in prising stereotypically petulant Dutch bench-warmer Ryan Babel away from Liverpool, which is understandable. Modest to a fault, here at the Fiver we don't like to brag about the many good works we do for charidee either. QUOTE OF THE DAY"It's a flight with 200 people on board, and Odafa [Okolie] is a family man, he will not deliberately try to touch her anywhere. He accidentally touched her, and the problem started" - after the entire team of Indian champions Churchill Brothers were thrown off a plane en route to a game and three of the players arrested for allegedly m0lesting an air hostess, assistant coach Mario Soares attempts to play down the incident.FIVER LETTERS"I agree thoroughly with Liberal Democrats home affairs spokesman Chris Huhne that making Didier Drogba carry an ID card to prove it's actually him (yesterday's quote of the day) is a complete waste of time and resources. All you need to do is go within three yards of him and he will immediately roll around on the floor in a state of theatrical agony looking for the nearest referee, thereby proving without a doubt his identity" - Tom Quinn."Can we assume that, in light of your excitable rant about about northerners not being so tough, the Fiver arriving before 4pm had nothing to do with a bit of snow creeping down south and you having to leave work early?" - David Moley, Oop North."Re: Mike Fichtner's 'Gridiron Yank' post (yesterday's Fiver letters). I know it's a slow early January and that snow is covering half the country, but is the Fiver so weepingly desperate for letters that we need to see drunk, half-n@ked Septics playing air-guitar with crutches? Oh, point taken ..." - Jarvis."Can someone please tell Tom Lutz that the possessive pronoun its (yesterday's Fiver) doesn't have an apostrophe? Yours pedantically" - Lynne Truss (and 1,056 other dimwitted readers who didn't get the gag). Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you can also Tweet the Fiver now.BITS AND BOBSThe Queen's Celtic's pursuit of Tours striker Olivier Giroud appears to have floundered after the Ligue 2 player "put a cross through them". The up-front Giroud added: "I wanted to go there because they are a big club, who play in Europe, with a fantastic spirit. It was a good trampoline from which to move to England and the Premier League, which is my dream. Fortunately there are other trampolines." Giroud to West Brom, anyone?Bad news for Mike Pollitt dept: Wigan have snapped up Serbia international Vladimir Stojkovic on loan from Sporting Lisbon.Hearts boss Csaba Laszlo wants the SPL to restore its winter break after two of his players - David Kucharski and Arvydas Novikovas - suffered ankle-knack during indoor training, while Jose Goncalves picked up muscle-tweak training outside. "You must re-organise everything; you must make reform," he said, nailing his 95 theses to the door of St Mary's Cathedral.Israel coach Dror Kashtan is under investigation from the nation's tax authorities for allegedly smuggling cigarettes and booze into the country from Russia without paying the duty on them. A spokesman for Kashtan said it was just an "innocent mistake", foolishly eschewing the: "Oh, I must have picked up somebody else's case" excuse favoured by the Fiver. Indonesia fan Hendri Mulyadi has apologised after running on to the pitch during a friendly against Oman, then picking up the ball, dribbling it into the penalty area and having a shot on goal. Which was saved. "I was very disappointed with the Indonesian national team," said a contrite Mulyadi. "They never win. It's either lose or draw."Antonio Conte has stepped down as Atalanta coach in the wake of the team's 2-0 home defeat to Napoli. "I already presented my resignation last night, but I was rejected," noted Conte, who's nothing if not persistent. "Having reflected on it all night, I then decided to present it again."And the Italian version of the PFA (think of an olive-skinned Gordon Taylor leading a cavalcade of flaming mopeds) has threatened to stage protests after Torino's players were confronted by angry fans last night. The AIC said it "expresses totally solidarity with the Torino players who suffered a vile ambush, attacked outside a restaurant after dinner with their families, and firmly condemns this shameful incident." A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORSHow about some more of our best bets of 2010? Can Diego Maradona guide Argentina to a decent World Cup campaign and cement his job? We make it 11-4 that Maradona is still in charge on New Year's Day 2011. David Haye should be in the news a lot this year and it's 2-1 that he wins another world championship belt in 2010. Is this the year Europe take a strong hold on golf's majors? How about Lee Westwood at 5-1 to win one of the big four or even Rory McIlroy at 11-2? Bet with Sportingbet and we'll match your first deposit up to £50.STILL WANT MORE?Football Weekly. Extraaaaaaaaaaa.Classic YouTube delves into the world of proper snowbound football, a blindfolded David James tries to out-Jedi Luke Skywalker by facing down a machine propelling balls at his face and a random Korean bubblegum pop parody of Frank Lampard.Find out if your match in England or Scotland is on or off this weekend with our comprehensive list of postponements.The Becks pitch project upstaged another old face in Milan last night, reports Paolo Bandini.Kris Boyd should leave the Pope's O'Rangers so we can finally see if he's actually any good or not, writes Ewan Murray. SIGN UP TO THE FIVERWant your very own copy of tea-timely(ish) email sent direct to your inbox for free every weekday? Click here to sign up for the Fiver today. And also, heaven forfend, if you want to unsubscribe.IT'S THE FOUR P00FS AND ANDY DAVIS WE FEEL SORRY FORBarry Glendenningguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |
Burnley make United work for win Dimitar Berbatov, Wayne Rooney and Mame Biram Diouf scored second-half goals to earn Manchester United a 3-0 win over Burnley that wasn't a cruise for the champions. foxsports.com.au |
Italian roundup: Bologna draws with Atalanta Relegation-threatened Bologna let slip a two-goal lead to draw 2-2 with Atalanta on Wednesday, a result that leaves it just one place above the drop zone. cbc.ca |
Notts County claim future is secure after cash boost from new investors League Two club's future assured thanks to mystery investor. telegraph.co.uk |