TOP 100 SOCCER SITES
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| Sunderland's Turner banned for four games Sunderland defender Michael Turner will now serve a four-game ban for his sending-off against Manchester City after the Football Association (FA) added an extra match to the usual suspension. foxsports.com.au |
The Fiver: Soft Southern Fairies, and Patrick Vieira Subscribe here for your own daily copy delivered to your inboxIT'S GRIM UP NORTHLondon-based and the proud owner of expensive designer leather gloves that serve the dual function of protecting our soft, well-manicured hands from the biting cold of winter and the searing heat of our roasted hazelnut half-caff skinny latte with chocolate sprinkles, the Fiver's always shrugged indifferently in the face of accusations from "oop north" that we're soft southern fairies. Of course that was when we thought our northern cousins were made of sterner stuff, but the postponement of the midweek Rumbelows Cup semi-final first legs in Blackburn (tonight) and Manchester (tomorrow) due to adverse weather conditions have disabused us of that notion. While both Blackeye Rovers and Manchester City have state-of-the-art giant flat caps that can be lowered down to prevent their pitches from freezing, their matches against Aston Villa and Man Utd, respectively, have been called off. Why? Because of the difficulties soft fans might encounter getting to and leaving games in northern weather conditions so extreme it's rumoured one man in Newcastle was seen wearing a jacket."Even if fans are able to get to Ewood Park we would not like to speculate on what type of journey home they may face at 10.00pm tonight when the temperatures will be sub-zero," said a Blackeye Rovers spokesman, dragging a pipe-smoking whippet behind him on a piece of baling twine. "It is a huge disappointment for everyone that we have had to postpone the tie but we have had the kind of harsh weather unseen in this part of the world for years and years," explained City CEO Garry Cook, prompting Guardian tree-hugger and climate change tub-thumper George Monbiot to dash through the Big Paper offices flicking Vs and shouting "I told you so".On Merseyside, Everton abandoned their plan to paint new loan-signing Landycakes Donovan's head orange so reporters could see the USA! USA! USA! striker's head in the snow, when it emerged that no hacks could be bothered strapping tennis racquets to their shoes to go and interview him at his grand unveiling. The Toffees have instead decided to postpone his press conference until it can take place before an audience comprised of something more animated than a room-full of empty chairs. Further south, where people tend not to let a few feet of snow dictate their daily comings and goings, Stoke City remain confident that their Premier League match against Fulham will go ahead tonight. At the time of writing, the prospect of seeing Rory Delap freeze solid on the touchline, mid throw-in at the moment of maximum contortion remains mouthwateringly real.Assuming Barry Glendenning's pathetic exhortations for the bad weather to close in on the Britannia Stadium fall on deaf ears, you can follow Stoke City's win over the gloves-wearing southern namby-pambies Fulham in his minute-by-minute report from 7.30pm. QUOTE OF THE DAY"We thought the mess was just £5m or £10m. It is more than £40m" - Israeli lawyer Daniel Azougy, hired by Portsmouth to help alleviate their financial problems, delivers his upbeat verdict. HE COMES FROM SENEGAL. HE WANTS TO WIN EFF-ALLThe Fiver knows what it is like to hanker for the cloudless certainties of youth; to feel the sands of a flush and fearless prime slipping through its fingers like so many unwanted festive snack selection chilli roasted peanut halves; and to pine for a happier time when the world seemed ripe with opportunity, its surfaces as smooth as the immaculately styled rear piste of Roberto Mancini's smart-casual semi-mullet. Which is perhaps what first attracted Patrick Vieira, who has also seen better days, to the idea of signing for Manchester City, a transfer saga that is today showing no signs of just going away.Older Fiver readers may remember Vieira as a very tall bald-headed midfield sauropod, famed for his ability to "break up" attacks with skilful barging. Slightly younger Fiver readers will remember Vieira as a very tall bald-headed midfield lamp-post galloping quite slowly from side to side in a blue and black striped shirt before going home to sit around in his mock-terracotta Milanese villa and look at old scrapbook pictures of a tall bald-headed man winning trophies with France and occasionally going forehead-to-Vicks-smeared chest with an angry, snarling, gnomic Irishman for the Sky Sports TV cameras.The latest model Vieira is also tall and bald-headed but now he no longer plays football either for France or for José Mourinho vehicle Inter. Mancini, however, is convinced that he is still "a good player", Vieira wants to get his place back in the France team and play at the World Cup and the Fiver wants to be able to fit into its slinkiest cocktail thong once again and dance energetically to A Guy Called Gerald in a paddock in Kent and imagine that one day bleepy, jerky, chipmunk-voiced acid house records will take over the world. So maybe there's hope after all, although it's probably a little easier to live the dream when you're being offered £150,000-a-week until the end of the season.FIVER LETTERS"Re: Jason Smith and 'the strange sensation of wanting Nasty Leeds to win a football match' (yesterday's Fiver letters). I agree, totally. I haven't felt such a sickening clash between the laudable and the insufferable since the Tickets For Troops campaign was launched by Gary Lineker, Joss Stone and David Cameron. Surely not even Anjem Choudary would have wished that unholy trinity of smug upon our soldiers?" - Thom Boston."Can I be the 1,057th nerd to suggest that the FA's insistence that Everything Is OK (yesterday's Fiver) smacked more of Qui-Gon Jinn waving his fingers and telling Watto 'Credits will do fine' than Obi-Wan Kenobi waving his fingers and telling a Stormtrooper 'These aren't the droids you're looking for', as the latter worked a treat, while, like Watto, none of us believe the FA. Did you do this for a dare? Or are you so depressed about being back at work after the Christmas mash-up that you carelessly thought 'Oh, Fiver readers aren't pedantic enough - let's see if we can liven things up by roping in some Star Wars geeks as well?' May the force be with you" - David Moore."Re: yesterday's last line. Surely 'the tenners' would be most suitable, because: a) the Fiver gets to play with 'jokes' of inferiority and cheapness for a whole decade; and b) West Ham fans and other word-mangling louts will get lots of fun out of saying things like 'woar, guv'nor, these Ayrtons are really killing me'" - Martin Jackson."Re: a nickname for Landon Donovan (yesterday's letters). Please know that no one in the USA calls him 'Landycakes' when he fires a penalty into the stands during an MLS match. Rather, we call him 'Becks'" - Mike Wilner.Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you can also Tweet the Fiver now.BITS AND BOBSBurnley fans are keeping themselves warm in the cold snap by burning Owen Coyle effigies after their manager agreed to become manager of Bolton. Of course if their past form is anything to go by, Bolton fans are probably doing the exact same thing.Those Italian-sounding chortling noises you can hear from Lahn's East End is West Ham playmaker Alessandro Diamanti "laughing off" reports linking him to AC Milan.Bernard Cribbins has been charged with improper conduct following his angry, derogatory and entirely understandable comments about referee Andre Marriner in the wake of Sunderland's defeat at the hands of Manchester City on 19 December. Nacho Novo could be fit for Sunday's Scottish Cup fourth-round tie at Hamilton, which the Pope's O'Rangers would probably win easily without him even if it isn't snowed off.And Italian authorities will offer the public more bling for their buck when they auction off Diego Maradona's diamond earrings, which were seized in relation to his unpaid tax bill.A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORSWhile the weather wreaks havoc amongst our football fixtures let's take another look at the Sportingbet 2010 special bets. David Beckham will be in the news throughout 2010 and we go 5-1 that he signs for a Premier League club on a permanent basis by the end of the year. We're offer the same price that Man City are top of the Premier League on the last day of 2010.Away from football, Phil Taylor is 10-1 to win every televised tournament in 2010 (that's eight competitions in all). On to racing and we'll give you 14-1 on Tony McCoy winning the Grand National at long last in April. And former Gazza-groper Vinnie Jones heads the betting at 5-2 in the ongoing Celebrity Big Brother. Fancy £50 worth of free bets? Well get involved with Sportingbet now!STILL WANT MORE?Is television holding back the evolution of football, asks Jonathan Wilson, whose complex questions are holding back the evolution of bedroom-dwelling anoraks who pleasure themselves over back-copies of the Rothmans Yearbook. Alberto Aquilani stars as an Italian frieze, a popular medical game involving a steady hand and a pair of tweezers and Out-of-Action Man in this week's Gallery.Somebody made a pig's ear of the linking to our podcast in yesterday's Fiver, which means you may not have heard this week's Football Weekly yet. Lucky you.Daniel Taylor suggests Man Utd aren't as good as they once were and may have difficulty arresting their decline, prompting a baying mob of mouth-foaming pitchfork-waving readers to rattle the sportblog gates.And Louise Taylor suggests Jermaine Beckford might be better off staying at Dirty Leeds for the time being, prompting a baying mob of mouth-foaming etc, and so on. SIGN UP TO THE FIVERWant your very own copy of tea-timely(ish) email sent direct to your inbox for free every weekday? Click here to sign up for the Fiver today. And also, heaven forfend, if you want to unsubscribe.EXACTLY WHICH PART OF YOU OPENING YOUR STATIONARY CAR'S DOOR INTO THE SIDE OF MY MOVING VEHICLE CAN BE DESCRIBED AS MY FAULT?Barry GlendenningBarney Ronayguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |
Dunfermline face rap for ineligible player after Stenhousemuir rout • Calum Woods appears for Dunfermline despite suspension• Partick angry at first Dundee United goal in 2-0 defeatControversy clouded victories for Dunfermline and Dundee United as both teams progressed to the fifth round of the Scottish Cup.Dunfermline beat Stenhousemuir 7-1. However, following the match, it was confirmed that the Pars had fielded the suspended Calum Woods, who came on as a second-half substitute with his team 4-0 up. A decision has yet to be made by the Scottish Football Association on whether Dunfermline will be ejected from the competition. Two seasons ago Brechin were thrown out of the Cup for fielding two ineligible players. The SFA is expected to make a decision ahead of the fifth-round draw today.The Partick Thistle manager Ian McCall described his side's exit as "horrible" after Damian Casalinuovo scored Dundee United's opener with his hand to help United win 2-0. The Partick substitute Liam Buchanan missed two great chances before David Goodwillie doubled the lead in the last minute.Second-half goals from Darren Mackie and Lee Miller put Aberdeen into the fifth round at the expense of a dire Hearts, while Hibs ran out 3-0 winners against the junior league side Irvine Meadow. The home side rode their luck until Alexander Ryan's own goal just before the half-hour. Merouane Zemmama and Paul Hanlon made the game safe after the break. Billy Mehmet scored twice as St Mirren defeated Alloa 3-1.Scottish CupDunfermlineStenhousemuirPartickDundee UnitedAberdeenHeartsHibernianSt MirrenAlloaNial Briggsguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |
Portsmouth's relegation fight hit by court ruling Portsmouth's fight against relegation from the English Premier League looks even tougher after Britain's High Court turned down its application to dismiss a liquidation order against it. cbc.ca |
Sir Alex Ferguson claims Carlos Tevez should have been shown red card • Ferguson unhappy with Tevez's tackle on Wes Brown• Accusation comes after Tevez's spat with Gary NevilleSir Alex Ferguson believes Carlos Tevez, whose two goals won the first leg of the Carling Cup semi-final between Manchester City and Manchester United, should have been sent off during last Tuesday's heated encounter.Tevez's contribution in front of goal won the match against his old club, but Ferguson insists the former United striker deserved a red card for what he felt was a reckless tackle on Wes Brown. The Argentinian caught Brown's thigh in a challenge the United manager suggested was worthy of dismissal."Tevez should have been sent off really," said Ferguson. "Have you seen the tackle? He went over the top of the ball. He didn't even get booked."City lead the semi-final 2-1 with the return leg at Old Trafford on Wednesday night, when emotions are expected to be running high. Ferguson's accusation comes in the wake of a spat between his captain Gary Neville and Tevez.After scoring his first goal, Tevez celebrated by making a "shut-it" gesture to Neville in retaliation to comments that Ferguson was right not to pay over the odds for a striker. Neville promptly responded with a gesture of his own, aiming a middle finger at the City forward, who later labelled the United right-back a "boot-licking moron".Sir Alex FergusonCarlos TevezManchester CityManchester UnitedCarling Cupguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |