| I'm not ready to retire, says Harry Those who want Harry Kewell to call time on the Socceroos should look away now. He has some bad news for the naysayers. Several years' worth, in fact. foxsports.com.au |
The Fiver | Captain Beefheart; and a stooshie | John Ashdown Click here to have the Fiver sent to your inbox every weekday at 5pm(ish), or if your usual copy has stopped arrivingCAPTAIN, MY CAPTAINCaptaincy, regardless of what some people might think, matters. Where would our fishfingers be without Captain Birdseye? Not in the Fiver's freezer, that's for sure. Would the Black Pig have sailed the seven seas so jauntily without Captain Pugwash? Of course not. What would have been the fate of jazz-fused experimental psychedelia without Captain Beefheart? We can only shudderingly imagine. Planet, Cook, Morgan, America, Mainwaring, Scarlet, Caveman, Corelli's Mandolin … they've all played their part. They've all made a difference.So the importance of Rio Ferdinand's emotional reunion with the England skipper's armband should not be underplayed. Indeed, it's undoubtably The Biggest News Of This Afternoon's England Press Conference Ever. "When Rio played, [$tevie Mbe] was always vice-captain," mused Fabio Capello, who has added Darren Bent to his List of the Crocked for tomorrow's Euro 2012 qualifier against Montenegro. "Rio is back. He will start as captain. These are the rules. I told $tevie he was a fantastic captain but tomorrow he will have to play like a captain without the armband. He has to be a leader."While Mbe will run wildly around Wembley like a captain without an armband, the role of running wildly around Wembley like a captain with an armband is one that Ferdinand is delighted to take on. "As a kid, you dream about captaining your country," said the centre-half. (The Fiver didn't. The Fiver dreamt about being attacked by the troll from the Billy Goats Gruff). "The manager has deemed me the right person to captain this team. When he told me it was a proud moment."Scotland, meanwhile, face football super-predators Spain in Group I with Craig Levein remaining defiant in the face of accusations of tactics more defensive than the Maginot Line. "Here's how it works," he purred, switching on his overhead projector and producing the first of a series of neatly written transparencies entitled: Coaching Scotland – How It Works. "I got the job and the job is to try and qualify for the Euros. I'll do that the way I think is right. If it causes a little bit of a stooshie and some of you press guys get upset, then so what?" So what indeed, although quite what a Stirlingshire-based video production company has to do with the price of fish is anyone's guess.QUOTE OF THE DAY"I really don't see the reason why we are talking about some goat. Of course it's the match commissioner's responsibility to make sure that only the players are on the pitch, but it's no big deal after all. Did the goat cause Egypt to lose?" - CAF technical director Mostafa Abdul-Menem 'Shatta' tries to deflect talk of black magic inspiring Niger, ranked 145th in the world, to beat ninth-ranked Egypt at the weekend, after a local witchdoctor led a goat around the pitch before their game. Don't be surprised if you see a feral one paraded around Hampden tomorrow night ...HEADLINE HYPERBOLE DEPT"Stockport County to change English football forever" - you heard them.GET 66 POUNDS' WORTH OF FREE BETS WITH BLUE SQUAREClick here to find out more.FIVER LETTERS"Surely some mistake, but I can't help but notice Montenegro are 17-1 with Betfair to beat England. Shades of Croatia at 7-1 and the 'Wally With The Brolly'?" - Rob Konway."Phil Swift (Friday's Fiver letters) correctly pointed out the hardness of the German 'g', but could have also alerted readers to the fact that the 'e' at the end of 'Minge' is pronounced - so, minger ahoy, then. OK, it's not all that amusing, but still, what's the point of trying to sink a lame joke with linguistic pedantry, only to open the way to an even lamer one? Oh whatever. Sorry" - Piers Gee (and 1,056 others).Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver now.BITS AND BOBSA late addition to tomorrow's fixture list: Royal Bank of Scotland PLC v Hicks & others at Court 18, high court (10.30am). Referee: Mr Justice Floyd. In a pre-match skirmish, RBS today said it had obtained an interim injunction preventing Tom Hicks from changing the board at Anfield. Game on!French police have fined Sochaux and USA! USA!! USA!!! striker Charlie Davies $1,040 and suspended him from driving after he was pulled over for doing 125mph in the Jura region. Davies, who was involved in a fatal car crash last year, claimed team-mate Jacques Faty was driving and that the pair switched seats because, according to AP, "Faty thought his license was still suspended from a previous speeding infraction".Sir Bobby Charlton has extended an invitation to the 33 trapped Chilean miners to come to Old Trafford and watch a Man Utd game. "The club will do whatever we can to welcome them and arrange to meet the players," cheered a club spokesman.Northern Ireland manager Nigel Worthington says there is no reason for his team to be complacent against the Faroe Islands tomorrow. "The scenery is fantastic, the hotel excellent and the food great. There are absolutely no excuses," he sniffed. "We are here to make the most of it."Fifa is understood to be studying 13 different goal-line technology systems - among them Hawk-Eye, a microchipped ball and perhaps even a real-life version of Inception - and will further discuss them at the International FA Board meeting this month.Blackpool boss Ian Holloway has been given a one-match touchline ban and £9,500 fine for his bad words and behaviour towards officials after last month's defeat to Blackburn.Paul Gascoigne is to face a drink-driving charge after being arrested in Newcastle on Friday afternoon.And in one of those nibs that only makes the cut during dull international double-headers, Stoke defender Abdoulaye Faye wants to end his career at the Britannia Stadium. "I am happy here, so why go somewhere else?" he reasoned.STILL WANT MORE?Download the latest edition of our iTunes chart-topping Football Weekly podcast.Fancy winning a trip to see Arsenal v Shakhtar Donetsk? Answer our insultingly easy question correctly to be in with a chance to munch focaccias with football's poshest fans.Should the derided Euro 2012 hopefuls be denied their right to try to qualify? Paul Doyle investigates.Mark Tallentire takes a trip to Hillsborough and finds Sheffield Wednesday daring to dream again.And would you vote for Sepp Blatter? Vote! Vote! Vote!SIGN UP TO THE FIVERWant your very own copy of our free tea-timely(ish) email sent direct to your inbox? Has your regular copy stopped arriving? Click here to sign up.SOUL-CRUSHING? TICK. INEPT? TICK. 1-0 DEFEAT? TICKJohn Ashdownguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |
Villa Lose Captain Petrov For At Least Two Months LONDON (Reuters) - Aston Villa captain Stilian Petrov will be out for at least two months after the midfielder injured his knee in Saturday's Premier League defeat at Sunderland. feeds.nytimes.com |
Arsenal capable of of beating the best after Manchester City win, says Lukasz Fabianski Arsenal goalkeeper says win over Manchester City has given the club confidence that they can beat any top side. telegraph.co.uk |
FIFA widens World Cup corruption probe FIFA widened its probe into alleged World Cup bidding corruption Monday after a former leading administrator reportedly claimed two candidates have colluded to trade votes. cbc.ca |