| The art of creating a dressing-room stink Football dressing rooms have been sabotaged in some pretty vile ways over the years thanks to some serious practical jokersThe burst sewage pipe in the away dressing room at the Stadium of Light was the cause of some merriment for the man from the newsagent's. "They said the whole place was filled with liquid excrement," he said. "And we weren't even playing the Boro."He let out a noise that sounded like an asthmatic hyena playing the kazoo and added: "I said: 'And we weren't even playing the Boro,'" in case the only Middlesbrough fan in the shop (me) missed it the first time. And then he said: "Are you not wanting a Kit Kat today?"You might think this an example of customer care straight from the Tom Hicks Jr Manual, but we have to make allowances for the man in the newsagent's. A lifetime as a Sunderland fan in a Newcastle-supporting area has left him all bitter and twisted. As a Middlesbrough fan the same thing might have happened to me. Luckily, when I arrived here 20 years ago I was already so bitter and twisted from supporting the Boro for three decades that if anything the added sourness and torque have gentled my disposition.The start Steve Bruce's team have made to this Premier League season has at least got the bloke from the newsagent's off his twin favourite topics: Len Shackleton and Kevin Keegan, two footballers who represent the yin and yang of his life. As other men have had "love" and "hate" tattooed on their fists, so might he have had "Shack" and "Keegan" etched on his. Although, obviously to do so he'd have to have five fingers on one hand and six on the other, which as the barber pointed out is an unlikely configuration "even for someone who comes from Murton, like he does".I should say that, in my view, this is a slight on Murton, though I have visited the Durham village only once, admittedly. That was back in the days when they still had a team in the Northern League. My friends and I had got off the bus from Durham City and were struggling to locate a social club, the International. It was raining. The afternoon was so dark that even if the workers' flag were flying you wouldn't have been able to see it from a distance of more than six feet.The streets of Murton were deserted. The chip shop on the corner with the sign in the window proclaiming the availability of something called a "Dona Kebab" (whether a misspelling or an unfortunate fate for some poor woman, I cannot say) was shut.As we began to despair, and consider suicide, or a trip to Spennymoor, a bloke lurched into view from a side street. He was walking in the classic manner of the daytime drunk, with his feet planted far apart as if to brace himself against the swell of the pavement, a grin on his face proclaiming: "I'm blattered, but I'm getting away with it."We stopped him and asked the way. He gave us directions and as we walked off bawled after us: "The beer's piss, mind, lads." Kirstie Allsopp would doubtless get all prissy about the lack of dado rails, but I find it impossible not to warm to a place like that.Any road, the barber said that he had heard something about the sewage pipes in the Manchester United dressing room. Looking around as if suspecting an eavesdropper, he lowered his voice so that only the entire shop could hear, and said: "Cut deliberately. By person, or persons unknown." He raised his eyebrow: "So you know who that means, don't you?"It was plain from the way he told us this that the barber believes showering Rio Ferdinand with shit on purpose is somehow morally more repugnant than doing it by accident. Personally, I am not so sure. Because, to be honest, I still haven't forgiven the England centre-back for that World Cup prank programme.Still, it must be stated clearly that there is nothing whatsoever to suggest that anything the barber has said on the subject of the Stadium of Light burst sewage pipe (or indeed on "that business" with three Newcastle players involved – a tale for which the world is not yet ready. And won't be until all three are dead and therefore beyond the protection of our libel laws) is in anyway correct. Nothing except historical precedent, anyway.Because football dressing rooms have been sabotaged in some pretty vile ways over the years. Showers have been cold, salt has been supplied instead of sugar with the half-time tea and there have been accusations of rotten fish being placed in the heating ducts.Perhaps the weirdest example was that of the Alnwick Town chairman John Common, who made a habit of leaving a dead animal ("The smallest a mole, the largest a sheep" according to the official history of the Northern League) in the visitors' changing area. Mr Common claimed that this was done in a spirit of impish fun – a practical joke of Ferdinand-esque proportions."Pity it didn't happen when your lot were playing there, isn't it?" the barber said. "Being surrounded by evil-smelling filth – it would have made the Boro feel like they were at home, wouldn't it?"It's water off a duck's back, like I say.SunderlandMiddlesbroughNewcastle UnitedHarry Pearsonguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |
Buddle's header off Beckham's corner lifts Galaxy over Union Edson Buddle scored his MLS-leading 16th goal, converting a corner kick from David Beckham, and the Los Angeles Galaxy defeated the Philadelphia ... rssfeeds.usatoday.com |
Celtic hit by Old Firm ref errors, claims Lennon • Celtic manager sounds warning before Rangers match• History of controversial decisions, claims Lennon Neil Lennon has cranked up the pressure for Sunday's Old Firm game by saying Celtic have been "consistently" wronged by referees in the fixture recently. His claim intensifies the focus on Willie Collum, who will be taking charge of his first Glasgow derby."It's a difficult one for him," Lennon, the Celtic manager, said. "You know, considering the recent history of controversial decisions that have gone against us in these games, I just hope he has a good day and we're not talking about him after the game. I just hope he gets the big decisions right."Pressed on whether he thinks Celtic have had a particularly rough ride with Old Firm refereeing-calls, Lennon said: "Yes, certainly last year, anyway. We have tried to do something about it. I think the club made the position quite clear last year, so we'll draw a line under it until twenty to three on Sunday. I put it down to human error. But you can't keep getting those decisions wrong on a consistent basis. I would like to think it is just honest mistakes being made."Sunday's Celtic Park encounter carries particular significance, both teams entering it with a 100% SPL record this season. "These are the games that define you as a Celtic or Rangers player," Lennon said. "These are the games that fans remember most, so it's important that you make your mark on them."The manager has his doubters, despite 16 wins in a row in SPL games since he was appointed – originally on an interim basis – in March. "I know that if we were to lose this game people would say: 'He hasn't got it' or 'he's not cut out for this yet.' I think that would be slightly unfair, considering we've won 16 out of 16 league games so far. People should look beyond judging me on a game-by-game basis. But they won't. That's just in some people's DNA."Lennon has been praised by Walter Smith, however. The Rangers manager has far more experience yet he admires the work undertaken by his callow opposite number. "You have to say that they have had a terrific reaction from every one of his players since he has gone in there," Smith said."He has been bold enough to change practically a whole group of players around and start again. The results they have achieved have shown that brave decision has worked in his favour."There is always a respect for Celtic managers. In my case, from the old days, it's not just a respect for the manager but a respect for their club as well. Everybody looks in from the outside of the Old Firm and says it's an easy situation to handle. But those of us who have experienced it know that it's not. The opposite is probably the case."CelticRefereesScottish Premier LeagueEwan Murrayguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |
West Bromwich Albion v Fulham: live Follow live, minute-by-minute commentary of the Premier League match between West Bromwich Albion and Fulham on Saturday Oct 23, 2010, kick-off 15:00 BST. telegraph.co.uk |
Miller Double Downs Old Firm Rivals Celtic LONDON (Reuters) - In-form striker Kenny Miller scored twice as Rangers staged a stirring second-half fightback to beat Scottish Premier League rivals Celtic 3-1 on Sunday. feeds.nytimes.com |