| Newcastle want De Jong action Newcastle United demand the FA take action against Manchester City's Nigel de Jong over a horror tackle on Hatem Ben Arfa. foxsports.com.au |
The Fiver | This is England 2010; and Murphy's law | Rob Smyth and Tom Lutz Click here to have the Fiver sent to your inbox every weekday at 5pm(ish), or if your usual copy has stopped arrivingSPIN SPIN SUGARWith the exception of the Fiver's love life – apparently you can get blood out of a stone – you can put a positive spin on pretty much anything. So it was with weary predictability that apologists for the Manchester United Cash Machine today ignored the fact that they had lost £83.6m and instead announced record operating profits of £100.8m. Of course anyone with half a brain cell would realise that such operating profits exacerbate the severity of the loss big-style, but this is England, so good luck with that. Not even during Weird Uncle Fiver's semi-legendary Blackliver Wednesday has so much money disappeared so quickly.Most gibbons are too busy wearing replica tops and green-and-gold scarves, genuinely not realising that this is about as contradictory as punching someone repeatedly in the phizog while French-kissing them, to see what's going on. Liverpool fans may have made total fools of themselves with that so-bad-it's-gone-past-good-and-back-to-bad video, but at least they didn't just sit there nodding like morons. Then again, there's nothing to worry about at Old Trafford. Of course United still have money to spend! It's just that, like Ferg says, there's no value in the transfer market: Rafael van der Vaart for £8m? Adam Johnson for £6m? Wesley Sneijder for £15m? Mesut Ozil for £12.4m? Sami Khedira for £9m? Nope. And there's no value in JD Wetherspoons either. Lord Ferg said so!In many ways, Lord Ferg is the biggest villain of this story. The Glazers are ignorant parasites, pushing buttons from hundreds of miles away, whereas Ferguson has – deliberately or not, and we'll let you work that one out, and it's really not that difficult, honestly folks – watched passively while his love of 24 years is looted and abused. Even if he wins title No19 and European Cups Nos four to six, his legacy is compromised; he isn't fit to light Sir Matt Busby's pipe.Of course Ferguson wasn't available for comment on today's announcement, having cancelled his Friday press briefings because of something so transparent and spurious that not even Jodie Marsh would wear it. Whatever Ferguson is – and the post-watershed version of the Fiver has a few thoughts on this – he's not stupid. Which can't be said of those who will buy the latest Glazer spin.QUOTE OF THE DAY"That's complete nonsense. I do not know where this story comes from but it is nonsense. I don't yet know whether I will stop or continue after this season. Only in the course of this season will I think about it. Then I will decide and not before. For now I keep my focus on United" – Edwin van der Sar today, dismissing reports that he will retire at the end of the season."I think Ed has made his mind up and said this is his last year" – United goalkeeping coach Eric Steele, yesterday.TACKLING TACKLESAs anyone who has read more than four consecutive words in the press will know, there's been a wee problem with tackles of late. To sort out the problem, Danny Murphy donned a casual suit last night at one of those fancy banquets and held forth on the subject. Actually, he mainly laid into Liverpool but anyone who has read more than two consecutive words recently will know about that so we'll stick up for the minority interest.Interestingly, Murphy doesn't think it's the acid nuzzle of Karl Henry's studs that are the problem – it's the fault of the managers. "You get managers who are sending their teams out to stop other teams playing, which is happening more and more – the Stokes, Blackburns, Wolves," said Murphy. "Your manager dictates what your players do and how you behave," he added as Paul Robinson walked around making absurd statements about himself in the third person, John O'Shea refused to talk to anyone who asked him questions he didn't like and Niko Kranjcar pretended he was a character by talking in a cock-er-nee accent but then acting like a two-year-old when someone made an inoffensive remark about him being a wheeler dealer.There is one beacon of light according to Murphy though. "If you have a manager like Roy Hodgson in charge you don't get discipline problems," he said. "Although you don't get any points either," he didn't add. Fifa's top medical official Michel d'Hooghe went even further than Murphy, claiming some players are deliberately ruining opponents' careers. "Some players come on the field simply to provoke injuries in other persons – to break a career," he told the BBC. "I have two eyes, I can see what happens – how some acts are really criminal."However Everton's Pip Neville had a different point of view. "Ten or 15 years ago when I was faced with a tricky left-winger the first thing I had to do was boot him up in the air," chuckled Neville, although he didn't actually speak up until the evening was half over and all the silverware had been tidied safely away.GET 66 POUNDS WORTH OF FREE BETS WITH BLUE SQUAREClick here to find out more.FIVER LETTERS"I always thought your references to Fifa sitting around eating fancy food all day in their 'meetings' was a sly dig at the amount of money in their coffers whilst doing very little to earn it. Then I read [Fifa medical committee chairman] Michel D'Hooghe's comments about 'brutal' tackling and how he'd made a compilation of "hard tackles with dramatic consequences over the last two or three years in the most important competitions in the world. I do not dare to present it, it would take away your appetite" – Andy Berg."The topics of yesterday's Fiver letters displayed a quintessential snapshot of the Fiver-reader demographic: computer games, Americans, lame jokes, 80s goth bands, and cross-dressing. Brilliant. I would also like to make it clear that I fit into the final category – it's probably the least embarrassing" – Jimbob Baron."May I be the first of 1,057 pedants to point out to regular Fiver Letters-botherer and spell-checker's nightmare, Paul Jurdeczka, that League Two is fully professional. The FA legalised professionalism in 1885, and whilst I'm not entirely clear when the last amateur teams competed in the league structure, it's safe to assume it was a while ago. You'd think Paul might have heard the news by now" – Ben Graham. "Regarding the sacking of Toni Schumacher and replacement by Herr Minge (yesterday's Fiver): the 'g' in German is of course hard rather than soft, so you can stop sniggering now" – Phil Swift.Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver now.BITS AND BOBSJust when you thought it couldn't get any worse dept: Liverpool face a nine-points deduction if the sale of the club is blocked and RBS intervenes.Ha ha ha! Ho ho ho! That's Juventus general director Giuseppe Marotta responding to claims that Gianluigi Buffon could join Manchester United. "I deny any negotiation with United, Buffon is a Juventus player," Marotta warned Tuttosport.And Kevin Davies was underwhelmed at being compared to Mr Em at an England press conference today. "I'm confident in my own ability – I always felt I could do a job at this level and it just never quite happened for me." And could that be down to Mr Em? "We've always been compared ... Fortunately for him he's the one who's played for England all these years and I think he's done a good job." Hmm.STILL WANT MORE?Faded funnyman Barry Glendenning picks half-a-dozen clips from people funnier than him in this week's Joy of Six on brilliant sporting comedy sketches.Tom Hicks and George Gillett thought they'd found a goldmine at Liverpool, but instead they got a whole world of pain, says Paul Hayward.James Dart picks his best bets for this weekend's Football League games (and feel free to tell him the 174 ways he's gone wrong in the tipping competition below).And Paolo Bandini reckons Cesare Prandelli is trying everything he can to try and put a smile back on the face of the Italian football.SIGN UP TO THE FIVERWant your very own copy of our free tea-timely(ish) email sent direct to your inbox? Has your regular copy stopped arriving? Click here to sign up.SOMEWHERE AFFORDABLE AND COMMUTABLE TO KING'S CROSS? AND DON'T SAY LUTON ...Rob SmythTom Lutzguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |
Columbus Crew crushes Joe Public in final CONCACAF group match Emilio Renteria scored twice in the second half to lead Major League Soccer's Columbus Crew over Joe Public 4-1 Thursday night in the final first-round ... rssfeeds.usatoday.com |
Ferguson's pragmatism ends the saga Wayne Rooney has shown staggering self-interest but Sir Alex Ferguson demonstrated his powers of persuasionIt has been a week of breathtaking cynicism and opportunism seldom exceeded when it comes to exposing so much that is wrong and morally bankrupt about modern-day footballers and a grubby industry where the rich are so obsessed with getting richer it can feel like money is how we must now keep the score.Never again will anyone speak of Rooney, that old street footballer, being a throwback to those days when we would like to believe there was a bit more nobility about the men we wanted as our heroes and the most important words in the lexicon of the sport were not "pound", "thanks" and "cheerio".Football has become a business where young men with fluffy chins can barely spell their own name but sure as hell do a good job when it comes to adding up – and there is a depressing inevitability that we will soon be subjected to the sight of Rooney putting the badge on his shirt to his lips, as if all the posturing and strategic manoeuvring and the cha-ching of men who like to chew gum as they swig their champagne has been a trick of our collective imaginations.A part of you admires his nerve. It takes a special form of self-interest, after all, not only to wangle an extra God-knows-how-many millions out of England's biggest club over the space of his new five-year contract but to have done so at a juncture in Rooney's life when public opinion of him had dropped to a point where it was not just low but subterranean in some places.And yet it has also been a week in which there has been at least one glowing reminder of the pleasures and the pride that should accompany being employed by Manchester United and the impression left is this: whatever you think of Sir Alex Ferguson, his hypocrisies, the frequent mistruths and the even more frequent rages, how can anyone not have at least begrudging admiration for that shrewd, political mind, still as sharp as a tack as we approach the beginning of his 70th year?A preconception has built that Ferguson will send any player who challenges his authority to the guillotine. It is one he likes to cultivate himself. "If footballers think they are above the manager's control," he once said, "there is only one word to say: 'Goodbye.'" And there is a decent XI – Jim Leighton, Jaap Stam, Paul McGrath, Gabriel Heinze, Norman Whiteside, David Beckham, Paul Ince, Neil Webb, Roy Keane, Ruud van Nistelrooy, Dwight Yorke – who could testify to this ruthlessness.But Ferguson is a pragmatist. He did not move on Peter Schmeichel after losing a 3-0 lead at Liverpool in January 1994, when a screaming match came close to turning into a punch-up. Paul Scholes was not transfer-listed in 2001 when he turned up his nose at playing with the kids in a Carling Cup tie against Arsenal and refused to board the bus. Whiteside and McGrath were ushered out for their apparent belief that beer and football were virtually synonymous but Ferguson kept Bryan Robson even though the great warrior had many of his own lost nights.This was what compelled Ferguson to seek out Rooney at the club's training ground at 10am yesterday: the knowledge that losing him would cause too much damage to the team.It was the morning after the night in which manager and player had never seemed further apart. Paul Simon once sang there are 50 ways to leave your lover and Rooney's idea was the worst kind of infidelity, namely to go off with their worst enemy, Manchester City. To twist Ferguson's analogy, he had seen a cow in a different field and, well, he wanted to milk its udders. But Ferguson, however much he felt personally let down, never lost sight of the fact that Rooney is the talisman of this team and, still only 24,, at 24, the great hope.The manager set to work, reminding him of the club's history, the trophies he has already won, the size of the place, the traditions, the romance and what it means to put on that red shirt. He told Rooney he was making the most calamitous mistake of his professional life contemplating a move to Eastlands. He asked him whether it was worth becoming a pariah, to be remembered for all the wrong reasons. He asked him to put a price on the prestige of running out at Old Trafford – before answering the question himself and saying there was none.As we have seen over the past five days, there is nobody better when it comes to long, impassioned homilies. Rooney listened, took it in and rang his agent, Paul Stretford, on the drive home to suggest they arranged another meeting, one final set of make-or-break talks.A conference call was set up with the club's chief executive, David Gill, and two of Malcolm Glazer's sons, Joel and Bryan. Ferguson had done his bit. He had seen in Rooney's eyes that his words had got through but he knew there was still the issue of money to be resolved. Then, finally, at some point last night he took a call from Gill. The first two words were: "Good news."Whether it is a cause for celebration is another matter but Ferguson was entitled to blow out his cheeks and chuckle as he sat down for an interview with MUTV today. Rooney, he said, had apologised to him and the other players, and would do likewise to the supporters. Rooney was then interviewed, but there was no apology. Somehow it symbolised a grubby week.Wayne RooneySir Alex FergusonManchester UnitedDaniel Taylorguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |
Wigan Athletic v Bolton Wanderers: live Follow live, minute-by-minute commentary of the Premier League match between Wigan Athletic and Bolton Wanderers at the DW Stadium on Saturday Oct 23, 2010, kick-off 15:00 BST. telegraph.co.uk |