| Liverpool takeover: chairman Martin Broughton expects sale to go through Chairman Martin Broughton confident of success in club's High Court showdown with their owners. telegraph.co.uk |
Schwarzer grabs the gongs Goalkeeper Mark Schwarzer has again grabbed the glory at Australian football's big awards night, scooping two of the three major titles on offer. foxsports.com.au |
Your greatest football XI: goalkeepers In the final part of the series, Paul Wilson selects his top No1. • Vote in our poll of the greatest keepers of all time• Your greatest ever football XI: strikers• Your greatest ever football XI: midfielders• Your greatest ever football XI: defendersIt is no longer necessary to be mad to be a goalkeeper – modern rule changes and infinitely more protection from referees have removed much of the masochistic requirements that once applied. But you probably have to be mad to choose one single custodian and say with any degree of certainty that he represents the best ever.Like the job of goalkeeping itself, this is an unforgiving position in which to find oneself. At least you can name two full-backs or centre-halves, and even more midfielders. There have been famous goalkeepers from all parts of the world, and all through history there have been goalkeeping heroics - by which I mean keeping the ball out of the net when a goal seems a certainty, not playing on with a broken neck or having to put up with shoulder charges after catching a cross - yet it is almost impossible to make direct comparisons because by definition you never see two goalkeepers in the same team.It is not even straightforward to identify the best goalkeeper in a given match, or a particular tournament, since other forces such as the defence in front of him or the potency of the attack he is facing will usually have a greater bearing on the outcome. The best goalkeeper in the world may be able to win a match for his team once or twice, but from that position you cannot do it on a regular basis. Arguably the best goalkeeper in the Premier League right now is Pepe Reina, but you have to take that opinion on trust, you cannot make any surmises based on Liverpool's league position. Similarly, while Petr Cech is the other Premier League goalkeeper likely to feature in most dream teams or managerial wish-lists, the fact that Chelsea are riding high at the top of the table does not make him immune to occasional errors.And what about all the goalkeepers who plied their trade before the television era? Outfield players are on the ball longer and tend to live more fully in the memory than those odd characters in caps who always seem to be caught on cine-reels either stopping the simplest of shots or diving in vain when the ball has already passed them. When I was growing up in the 1960s it was commonly held that Lev Yashin, of Russia, was the world's best keeper, better even than Gordon Banks. We all thought Yashin must in that case have been very good indeed, but it was impossible to know because we hardly ever saw anything of him. He mostly stayed in Russia, and in television terms he might as well have been based on the dark side of the moon. Pictures in magazines and newspapers revealed he normally played in black and favoured a cloth cap of almost ecky thump proportions, but apart from a few inconclusive glimpses during the 1966 World Cup, he remained an elusive and enigmatic figure, better known for what he looked like - he was nicknamed the black spider or the black panther - than the way he played.Apologies to anyone out there who remembers seeing Yashin burst on to the scene for Russia in the 1958 World Cup, impress for the Rest of the World at Wembley in 1963, or even pioneer the idea of goalkeeper as sweeper. I didn't, I'm afraid. Before my time, and before television footage came of age too. Still, Yashin must be a strong contender for the greatest goalkeeper ever, because an august body called the IFFHS (International Federation of Football History and Statistics) voted him the best keeper of the 20th century, ahead of Banks and Dino Zoff. That should be that really. Until the votes are in for the IFFHS goalkeeper of the 21st century one could simply go with Yashin, yet I have met a few football historians and statisticians in my time and I'm not sure they know that much about goalkeeping, or anything else, for that matter. Plus, Yashin never won a World Cup. Plus, we are already a decade into the 21st century and there seem to be some credible alternatives.Unfair as this might be to Yashin, and to Cech, Neville Southall, Peter Schmeichel, Bruce Grobbelaar, Tommy Lawrence (just joking) and a few others, I have decided for the purposes of this argument to narrow the field down to World Cup winning keepers. Some method of selection is necessary: we would be here all night were we to start arguing that David Seaman had safer hands than Pat Jennings, and winning a World Cup at least means you have earned recognition as the best in your country, and that that particular country knows a bit about football. Obviously, in addition to decent keepers playing for World Cup no hopers, there will be excellent keepers in strong football countries whose Jules Rimet moment never came - Oliver Kahn springs to mind, although Brad Friedel was the best goalkeeper in the 2002 World Cup - and I can readily believe there are dozens of goalkeepers better than Fabien Barthez, but let's press on. Even if the choice is restricted to modern, post-war World Cups there are 15 different goalkeepers to choose from. So here, without further ado, is my top 10.10) Fabien Barthez (France) Turned out to be a bit rubbish at Manchester United - he was nowhere near as good as Schmeichel, let me be the first to admit - but looked the part when playing for France and brought a few new tricks to the goalkeeping repertoire.9) Gilmar (Brazil) Won World Cup in 1958 and 1962, played in 1966 tournament. I can still hear Brian Clough saying: "His name may be Felix, but he's no cat" of Brazil's 1970 World Cup winning custodian, though it is too easy to dismiss all Brazilian keepers. Three world Cups, two of them successful, is some going.8) Anton "Toni" Turek (Germany) Not only won the World Cup in 1954 but played a significant part in the Miracle of Bern, when Germany beat the Hungary of Ferenc Puskas and Nandor Hidegkuti 3-2. One save prompted a commentator to call him a football god, which got him into a certain amount of trouble at the time as it was considered blasphemous.7) Roque Maspoli (Uruguay) A rogue choice or wild card if you will, but Maspoli distinguished himself in one of the most famous World Cup matches of all time, helping unfancied Uruguay beat favourites Brazil in front of almost 200,000 people at the Maracana in 1950. That won Uruguay the World Cup, even though strictly speaking the decisive match was not a World Cup final.6) Gordon Banks (England) Quite possibly a better goalkeeper than this position suggests, though if you take out the World Cup win and that breathtaking save from Pele in 1970 the medal count doesn't stand him in great stead with the rest of this company. Positioning and anticipation were supposed to be Banks' great assets, but medals are easier to measure.5) Lev Yashin (Russia) Has to be in the top 10, regardless of World Cup success. What's the point of making up your own rules if you can't break them?4) Gianluigi Buffon (Italy) Costing a record £32.5m when he moved from Parma to Juventus in 2001, Buffon is most people's idea of the model modern goalkeeper. World Cup winner in 2006 but Juve entering decline when he joined them. Hence only a couple of Serie A titles and just the one Uefa Cup, with Parma in 1999.3) Dino Zoff (Italy) Oldest ever World Cup winner, set a record for consecutive clean sheets in international tournaments, captain of the 1982 World Cup winning side and winner of six Serie A titles with Juventus.2) Sepp Maier (Germany) Made four consecutive World Cup squads, beginning in 1966, winner in 1974, European Championship in 1972, four German championships with Bayern Munich, three European Cups, German footballer of the year three times. Need I go on? What does a keeper have to do to impress the IFFHS?1) Iker Casillas (Spain) Yes, he has only just added a World Cup winners medal to the European Championship of two years ago, and yes, this selection will leave me open to accusations of putting the present above the past and going for someone who is in the public eye right now rather than possibly more deserving candidates who have been forgotten about, but how many goalkeepers make their debut for Real Madrid at the age of 16? Casillas broke into the side permanently at the age of 18 and has never looked back, winning a Champions League final just four days past his 19th birthday. Precocity might be overrated, but Casillas still looks the Real deal. He is the Spanish equivalent of Wayne Rooney, except he has already fulfilled all of his potential. He has not only a complete collection of all major club and national titles, he is the captain of Real Madrid and the captain of Spain. At 29 he is still young, by goalkeeping standards, yet already has more than 100 caps and seems certain to go a long way past Andoni Zubizarreta's Spain record of 126. Casillas would have been a success in any other era, in fact Pepe Reina (19 caps) and Victor Valdez (three caps) probably wish he would go and find one. Sometimes there is no need to look beyond the obvious.Paul Wilsonguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |
Didier Drogba set for Chelsea return as Frank Lampard stays on sidelines Chelsea striker set for return against Wolves as Frank Lampard remains on sidelines. telegraph.co.uk |
West Ham 1-2 Newcastle Newcastle recovered from a dreadful start to capitalise on a shocking second half from West HamHello there. Perception's a funny thing. West Ham might be bottom of the league, but after five games unbeaten in all competitions, it sure doesn't feel that way. But they are, all the same. There's no getting away from it, and they've still only got one league win to their name so far this season, and that one, against Tottenham on 25 September, is sailing off into the distance now. As for Newcastle, their 6-0 humping of Aston Villa in their second game, with England's great white hope Andy Carroll scoring a hat-trick, has created the impression that they're set for a decent season. That's beginning to look like something of a fluke now however. They've only won once since though, at Everton, and that was down to Hatem Ben Arfa, who promptly had his leg snapped in two by Nigel de Jong a couple of weeks later. It's a bit early to start talking about must-wins and six-pointers, but this match has a sniff of that about it. West Ham (4-3-3): Green; Jacobsen, Da Costa, Upson, Gabbidon; Behrami, Parker, Noble; Obinna, Piquionne, ColeSubs: Stech, Ben Haim, Tomkins, Faubert, Boa Morte, Barrera, McCarthy.Newcastle United, with roomies Kevin Nolan and Andy Carroll back in the side (4-4-2): Krul; Simpson, Coloccini, Williamson, Jose Enrqiue; Barton, Tiote, Nolan, Gutierrez; Carroll, Ameobi.Subs: Soderberg, Perch, Taylor, Guthrie, Routledge, Smith, Lovenkrands.Referee: Chris Foy.West Ham fans, look away now: The Hammers haven't won a televised game since January 2009, and that doesn't really count because it was against Phil Brown's Hull. The last one before that was against Roy Keane's Sunderland, so we'll disregard that too, meaning West Ham's last win in a televised game was on 30 July 1966.More omens: The last Newcastle game covered by this mbm reporter ended with them beating a side in claret and blue 6-0. Don't you love omens?It's been a fine old week for Andy Carroll. Arrested for assault, car torched, forced to live with Kevin Nolan and every time he's looked in the mirror he's had a reminder that he's still sporting that ridiculous ponytail, which is the real crime.Not that West Ham are angels. The man marking Andy Carroll will be Manuel da Costa, who has been bailed by police on suspicion of sexual and common assault in an Ilford nightclub. What will these two charmers be nattering on about to each other this evening, I wonder? "How can I hate women? My mum's one."If there are any women reading this, can I just point that I hate sexism?An email! "The collar on that Newcastle shirt is so pointlessly stupid that I'm in a bit of a rage," writes Niall Harden. "Actually, as a Villa fan, Andy Carroll's pointlessly stupid face might be a contributing factor to my rage, but still." Pointlessly stupid face? Now that's a put-down.Click-clack, click-clack, clickity-clickity clack. The teams stride out of the tunnel, to the strains of I'm Forerver Blowing Bubbles. Kevin Nolan looks remarkably sprightly despite what must have been a very trying week. It's so tiring being the host.A minute's applause, to honour the memory of Malcolm Allison, who played for West Ham in the 50s, and Eddie Baily, West Ham's former chief scout. A minute's applause is much more uplifting.1 min: West Ham kick off, attacking from left to right in the first half, towards the Bobby Moore Stand. Lars Jacobsen immediately hoofs the ball forward to Carltonm Cole, who is held off by Coloccini, and Mike Williamson nods back to Tim Krul. He then lumps it up the field to Robert Green, who promptly does the same. An agricultural start.2 min: Behrami's burst through the middle is checked by Tiote. Geddit?3 min: Piquionne brings down Gutierrez on the left touchline. The big men lumber up from the back, but Williamson's knockdown from Barton's free-kick is cleared by Gabbidon. West Ham immediately go on the attack, but Behrami's attempted cushioned pass into Cole's path is blocked by Coloccini.4 min: More offside controversy! A long ball forward, in behind the Newcastle defence, finds Cole loitering in an offside position. He leaves the ball for Piquionne though, so play continues, much to Newcastle's chagrin. From the right, he whips in an excellent cross into the corridor of uncertainty. It's just ahead of Cole, who can't make any contact, but comes to Obinna at the far post. The ball squirted up and Simpson did exceptionally well to hold him off, allowing Krul to collect.6 min: This is a very promising start by West Ham, who are causing multiple problems in the Newcastle defence. Cole and Piquionne intelligently flick the ball between themselves in the area. Cole should knock it to his left where Obinna would have had a clear shot on goal, but instead he foolishly dawdles, tries to shoot himself, and the chance is gone.7 min: West Ham are completely dominant so far, and Newcastle are struggling to contain them. First Cole wants a penalty, after turning away from Williamson in the area and going down under the defender's challenge. It is a foul, but he'd only managed to best his marker by virture of pulling his shirt, so the decision correctly goes Newcastle's way. Then moments later, Noble plays in Obinna on the left, and he crosses to the unmarked Piquionne six yards out. All alone, he haplessly shoots straight at Krul, who saves well - but the flag was up for offside anyway. More of this please!10 min: A lull in play, as Newcastle gather their thoughts. They can't keep possession at the moment, West Ham playing at a very high tempo.GOAL! West Ham 1-0 Newcastle (Cole 12 mins) It's been coming, and West Ham fully deserve this. It's a lovely goal too. Noble, with oodles of time in the middle of the pitch, picks out a glorious lofted pass over the square Newcastle defence and into Piquionne's path. He takes the ball in his stride and from the left of the area, produces a cross-shot across goal - it's going well wide, but Cole is on hand to finish with a simple tap-in. Newcastle appealed for offside against both men, but in vain.14 min: "I'm unable to watch the game due to being at work, but did Obinna really dawdle so foolishly that he thought only shooting himself would atone for it?" parps Igor Bratic. "After the Rooney imbroglio, it's refreshing to see a footballer with a sense of honour."15 min: Precisely what Avram Grant would have wanted, this. Newcastle have looked a little shell-shocked so far. All attempts to breach the West Ham defence are floundering on the intelligent snappy challenges of Parker and Noble in midfield.16 min: Now Newcastle come back into it. Ameobi breaks down the left, easily holding off the challenge of Behrami. He fires the ball into the six-yard box, but Upson clears under little pressure.17 min: Newcastle are enjoying a decent little spell here. Tiote lines up a shot from 30 yards, which is deflected behind for a corner...18 min: Newcastle want a penalty. The corner was half-cleared, not too effectively, giving them another chance to attack again. Enrique put an inviting cross into the area, which just evaded Carroll, but Coloccini then collapsed under the slightest of contact from Cole. Nothing doing from Chris Foy, and Coloccini is furious.20 min: Barton marauds into the heart of West Ham territory, but is eventually hustled out of it as numerous West Ham bodies converge upon him. On the edge of his own area, Da Costa comes up with an extravagant backheel to step away from Barton.GOAL! West Ham 1-1 Newcastle (Nolan 23 min) And this one has been coming too. In a strange way, since the concession of the goal Newcastle have been much more relaxed, and have been putting cross after cross into the West Ham area. Eventually one of them had to tell, and this one did. From the right, Simpson looked for Carroll at the far post. He climbed above Da Costa with ease and nodded the ball down for Nolan, who screwed the ball into the bottom left-corner.24 min: West Ham almost regain their lead. Both defences have a slapstick air about them. Another long pump forward catches out the Newcastle defence again - this is a remarkably simple tactic - and Piquionne nips in to steal the ball away from Krul. With the keeper out of his goal, Piquionne laid the ball pack to Obinna on the edge of the area who should have done much better than to waft his effort over.26 min: West Ham haven't scored more than one goal in any league game this season; Newcastle have only lost one away from home.28 min: Gutierrez is writhing in pain after finding himself on the receiving end of a firm challenge from Parker. After much treatment on the pitch, he hobbles off for more. West Ham give the ball back to Krul.30 min: "Having last set foot in the Boleyn Ground in 1973 I am afraid your opening description of "West Ham kick off, attacking from left to right in the first half, towards the Bobby Moore Stand." left me struggling to visualise your mbm," says Neil Macknish. "In my day the new East Stand had just replaced the old Chicken Run. The West Stand was the original seated area where the directors had their spot and other assorted nobs sat. The North Stand was where the shaven-bonced hoopleheads chanted their moronic racism from and the South Stand contained the football lovers, mostly dads and their sons. So, where in the ground are you, just so I can get some perspective on your mbm?" Imagine watching it from the West Stand.31 min: Gutierrez, back on the pitch and looking in fine nick, does well to get a cross in, but a deflection from Jacobsen takes all the pace off the delivery, and Green collects.32 min: Victor Obinna is a remarkably frustrating player. Noble, playing in the quarter-back role, releases him on the left. With time to find Cole in the middle, he disappointingly slams his cross well over his team-mate and away from danger. Moments later he finds more space on the left of the area, but Simpson blocks his attempted ball into the six-yard box behind for a corner. Noble takes, Krul catches.34 min: "As with most things, this game is all about Liverpool," notes Ian Copestake. "If West Ham get a point the reds are bottom (at least for the next few hours he added deludedly)." Jose Enrique thinks the ball is flat, Chris Foy disagrees with him. We continue, a needless diversion.35 min: This was a waste from Jonas Gutierrez. In acres of space on the left, a fine pass was swept out to him. Cutting into the area and with team-mates in support, he shifted the ball on to his right boot, before whacking shot straight at Lars Jacobsen, who's not about to let that one past him. Shortly afterwards Chris Foy breaks up another promising Newcastle attack by blowing for an apparent foul by Andy Carroll. Not sure about that one.36 min: Through luck rather than judgement, Coloccini manages to stop West Ham scoring a second. It's all Obinna again. Granted far too much space, he raced down the left flank. Upon reaching the area, he cut back on to his right foot, before making both Newcastle defenders look very foolish indeed with a clever dummy back on to his left. He then slams the ball into the six-yard box, and Coloccini just manages to flick the ball away from the lurking Cole and away from goal. That could have gone anywhere, but Coloccini won't care.38 min: Obinna gets the ball again on the left. First, see previous entry, with a different denouement admittedly. This time he cuts the ball back to the back of the area for Behrami, who dummies it to Parker, whose wild shot sails miles over.41 min: This has been a right old ding-dong of a match so far. Let's hope it doesn't peter out in the second half like Tottenham's game against Everton earlier. By the way, I neglected to mention some Laurel and Hardy style shenanigans between Carroll and Barton a few minutes ago. Both going for the ball, they managed only to charge into each other face on, both galoots flooring each other spark out. Couldn't have happened to two nicer chaps, I'm sure you'll agree.44 min: West Ham are ending the half on the front foot, refusing to allow Newcastle out of their own half. Jacobsen and Behrami conspire to rob Ameobi of possession on the left touchline. Parker then spreads play out to Noble on the right, but his cross lacks pace and is too high, making it a simple task for Krul to collect. Should have been a low one, that.45 min: Chris Foy looks at his watch and decides we'll have two more minutes of this. At least, of course.45 min+2: Some decent pressure from Newcastle results in one last corner...45 min+3: No late drama though. And with that, Foy brings an engrossing half to an end.Half time: West Ham 1-1 Newcastle. Nicely poised, this."This situation with Carroll being ordered to live with Nolan: doesn't it sound like the premise for a jaunty sitcom?" suggests Bleary. "I'm seeing Lee Mack as Nolan and an Inbetweener as Carroll, with Hugh Dennis occassionally appearing as Bobby Robson's irate ghost." At this juncture, I'd just like to point out how desperately unfunny The Inbetweeners is. The only reason people like it is because they want to look like they're down with the kids. When's Peep Show back?You know what's funny (and oddly unsettling)? Dubbed comedy.46 min: Newcastle get us back underway. West Ham seize possession, and immediately go on the attack. Cole wins an aerial duel with Coloccini, a tasty battle this one, and flicks it on to Obinna on the left. He crosses towards Piquionne, who's making a nuisance of himself again, but he can't get a header on goal and eventually Nolan assuredly brings the ball out of defence.47 min: Nolan and Carroll combine again. Simpson arcs yet another high ball up towards Nolan, who nods the ball down to Carroll on the edge of the area. The ball sits up nicely for the volley, but Carroll doesn't quite catch it right and Green makes the save at his near post.49 min: Ameobi glides in from the right, before unleashing a shot from 30 yards out. He has tomorrow's headlines in mind, only to slip as he makes contact, thereby shanking the ball embarrassingly wide. At least it didn't go out for a throw, so every cloud.50 min: West Ham look nervous out there at the moment, and Newcastle seem the more likely to score a second. Peep Show is back soon! And yes Inbetweeners isn't all that much," agrees Oliver Lewis, in a ranging email. "Does anyone know is the rumours that Hughton was close to being sacked are true? Seems tad unfair, think there's not that much talent in the squad and they did a solid job getting promoted. I think they may be lucky to stay up this season, reliant maybe on a collapse or two on other teams form. I think they just don't really have many good players, just a lot of mediocre ones, Ben Arfa looked wonderful, sadly, might have kept them up."52 min: West Ham are going to have make a change. Matthew Upson is down injured, and it seems he won't be able to continue.53 min: Upson trudges down the tunnel. Strangely there's a lack of urgency on the bench and no one's quite sure who's going to come on. Tal Ben Haim was out warming up, but instead it's Herita Ilunga who eventually emerges. He'll go to left-back, and Gabbidon will slot into the middle.54 min: This is all bit fragmented now. Ameobi dodges a couple of challenges on the edge of the area, before sliding the ball to Carroll on the left. He curls a cross into the area, to no one in particular, and the ball runs out for a goal-kick.55 min: And now Carroll puts a simple five-yard pass straight out of touch, a surprisingly sloppy period of play from the striker.57 min: "As an odd couple the Nolan and Carroll lack something of Eric and Ernie's bed sharing naivety or Lemon and Matthau's mismatching charm," writes Ian Copestake. Newcastle are still doing all the pressing. With more quality in their final ball, a goal will surely come soon. The life has completely drained out of West Ham. Ameobi, under no pressure, shoots straight at Green from 30 yards out.58 min: Gutierrez tries to set Ameobi away, but Gabbidon comes across to cover. He looks to play the ball back to Green, only to underhit his pass to give Ameobi a sight of goal - and to West Ham's relief, Foy gives a free-kick for a nudge by the striker.60 min: More pressure from Newcastle. Gutierrez slips the ball through for Carroll to the left of the area, but his shot is excellently blocked by a sliding tackle from Gabbidon, who then gets to his feet to whip the ball away from Carroll.61 min: All very aimless from West Ham. Newcastle are pipe and slippers comfortable, but haven't been able to make the decisive breakthrough yet.62 min: This is swiftly becoming a dire game, errors creeping into both sides. A loose touch from Piquionne midway inside his own half gifts possession to Newcastle, and the ball breaks for Carroll in the left. Bizarrely he gives the ball straight back to Mark Noble, with barely a Newcastle player in sight.64 min: Another injury worry for West Ham, and this time Piquionne is down. He tried to meet Ilunga's cross, unsuccessfully, and appeared to jar his knee upon landing. "Sitcom? Surely The Likely Lads?" suggests Mark Grosse. "Nolan as Rodney Bewes, Carroll as James Bolam?"66 min: Benni McCarthy's XXXXXXXXXXL tracksuit top is coming off. West Ham need to find some inspiration from somewhere, as this match is only heading in one direction. Newcastle win a free-kick as Da Costa clatters into Ameobi. It's about 25 yards out, to the left, but too far wide for a shot...68 min: After a short delay in play, McCarthy breaks into a sweat as he jogs on in place of Piquionne, the hardest he's worked all season, a right old effort, that. Ilunga heads Barton's dangerous free-kick out for a corner. Barton takes it from the right, and this time Gabbidon convincingly heads it away.GOAL! West Ham 1-2 Newcastle (Carroll 69 min) West Ham can't say they haven't been warned. From the previous Newcastle free-kick, they tried to break but Obinna conceded possession with an abject pass again. The ball was played down West Ham's left flank, for Ameobi to chase. He shielded it for a while, before playing it back to Barton. First time, he clipped a peach of a cross straight on to the head of Carroll, who powered it past the exposed Green from eight yards out. That was a gorgeous goal.71 min: After West Ham's whirlwind start, their collapse has been something else. They have barely mustered an attack worthy of a name in this half, they have been a complete shower.72 min: Cole tries to muscle his way through the Newcastle defence, but Tiote steps in to perform an exemplary sliding challenge, in doing so playing the ball off Cole, meaning the visitors have a goal-kick. Cole's spirit has sapped - he has that familiar me-against-the-world look about him, as if it's everyone else's fault. It's not.74 min: Barton whips the ball away from Noble, and is suddenly running at a retreating West Ham defence. For a moment, a ball on to Carroll to the left is on, but Barton opts against it. Instead he goes for goal himself, and Gabbidon deflects his effort up and over the bar. West Ham deal with the corner, but they can't get out effectively as Newcastle have a stranglehold on this game. Enrique crosses towards Ameobi; he gets the header all wrong, more off his shoulder than his bonce, which was clearly not what he intended.76 min: The completely anonymous Behrami is replaced by Pablo Barrera. He's Mexican and he's fast. Very fast. Anyone want to say it?77 min: I can't remember the last time West Ham got into Newcastle's half. Newcastle are pressing them so high up the pitch which, as Barcelona have demonstrated, is a highly effective tactic.78 min: "'As soon as he hit the ball,' says Andy Gray, 'I said goal!' Funny that Andy," says Mark Guthrie. "According to the commentary, as soon as he hit the ball, you said absolutely nothing. Either your mic is out of order, or you're confusing 'saying' with 'thinking' or 'as soon as he hit the ball' with 'after it went in. Or you're just talking rubbish. Which is it Andy?" Which do you think? Barrera's first act is to dart inside from the right, before shanking a dreadful shot high, wide and not very handsome.80 min: Jacobsen directs a long ball to Cole. The flag goes up, but he was onside. Not what West Ham require at this stage. They look incapable of working up a head of steam.82 min: Nearly game over, just there. Ameobi tries another shot from range. It cannons off Gabbidon's backside, the deflection rendering Green's presence in the goal immaterial. He stood rooted to the spot, waiting for the ball to nestle into the bottom corner, and was relieved to see it spin inches wide. Barton takes the corner, and Green punches it clear, flapping slightly.84 min: Finally West Ham force Newcastle back. Obinna crosses from the left and Cole nods it down at the far post for Parker. Arriving at speed, he tries to power his way through the massed ranks of the Newcastle defence, but there are too many bodies for him to outmanoeuvre.86 min: Obinna brings down Gutierrez near the halfway line. Newcastle are strolling to victory.87 min: A final chance for West Ham? Enrique is penalised for going through the back of Obinna to win the ball. The defender is furious, but Foy is in the right here. Noble sweeps the ball in from the right, but Da Costa's acrobatic attempt is well off target.88 min: If anything, Newcastle are the team who are going to score again. Barton nearly slides in Ameobi but his pass just had too much on it and fizzed away from the striker.89 min: Carroll nearly wraps it all up. Picking the ball up on the halfway line, West Ham feel it best not to get in his way. Where has the midfield gone? This is dismal. Gabbidon and Da Costa both furiously backpedal as Carroll charges at them, eventually unleashing a right-footed drive from 20 yards out which zips a yard or so wide. That was close.90 min: There will be three minutes left for West Ham to salvage something, but given that Newcastle are currently nonchalantly knocking the ball around in their half, that seems unlikely.90 min+2: Twice in quick succession, thoughtless passes from Victor Obinna hand possession back to Newcastle. Astonishingly lazy.90 min+3: Tim Krul hasn't made one save in the second half. In fact, has he made a save all match? Boos are ringing around Upton Park.Peep! Peep! Peep! Chris Foy blows his whistle for full-time. BOOOOOOOOOOOO, go the West Ham fans. Their team stays bottom. Newcastle, up to ninth, have a richly deserved three points to celebrate.Post-match thoughts: West Ham travel to Arsenal next week. Let's leave it at that.Premier LeagueWest Ham UnitedNewcastle UnitedJacob Steinbergguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |